Moving forward...

We are finally moving forward with our adoption! Our home study had been on hold until Darren and I finished our training (10 hours each), which we did about a month ago, and until we made a definite decision about which country we want to adopt from.

As you know, we had been trying to decide between Uganda and Ethiopia, and leaning towards Uganda. But in the last few months there have been some issues in the courts there, pretty much putting all international adoptions on hold. Also, I had received an email from Jalia at Royal Orphanage saying that the boys she had recommended to me, Rogers and his brother, are going to be adopted by their sponsor. There are other boys available, of course, and I'm confident that the issues in the courts will be worked out; but because of these things, we had been thinking more about Ethiopia.

As I was thinking about Ethiopia, I first emailed my friend Eileen who had sent me information about the two brothers at Kolfe Boys Orphanage that she really wanted to find a family for. But she said that actually another family is in the process of adopting those brothers - which is a great thing for them! - but a closed door for us.

Then another friend, Deanna, who has adopted three children from Ethiopia, sent me a newsletter from an agency called Adoption Advocates International (AAI) about three siblings, two boys and a girl, who are available for adoption at Layla House, their orphanage in Ethiopia. When Darren and I read over their information, we were really drawn to them. I contacted the agency, and they told me that a couple other families are also interested in these children and are farther along in the process than we are. But, we still felt that we should pursue adopting from Ethiopia, and were impressed by this agency. We had to make sure our home study agency was willing to sign an agreement with AAI, which I found out on Friday that they did; so now we can move forward. I am mailing our application to AAI on Monday, and hopefully we can finish up our home study in the next couple of weeks.

Another interesting thing is that as I looked at the AAI website, I realized I had heard about Layla House before - I read about it in the book There is No Me Without You a year or so ago. This is a book which had a great impact on me in terms of beginning to think about adoption. And it turns out that our book club is reading this book right now as well!

His Hands and Feet

Christ has no body on earth but yours,
no hands but yours,
no feet but yours.
Yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion for the world is to look out;
yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good;
and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now.
- St. Teresa of Avila

Here is the bottom line: if we are aware of the suffering of our distant neighbors - and we are - if we have access to these neighbors, either personally or through aid organizations and charities - and we do - and if we have the ability to make a difference through programs and technologies that work - which is also the case - then we should no more turn our backs on these neighbors of ours than the priest and the Levite should have walked by the bleeding man.
- Richard Stearns, The Hole in Our Gospel

The Waiting

I haven’t written in a while, mostly because not too much has been happening, but this is the latest.

-- I turned in all our documents over a month ago, but then found out we had to have at least half of our training done before the home study could start (we need to have 10 hours of training – can be books and/or online courses). The agency recommended two online courses at a site called AdoptionLearningPartners.org – one called “With Eyes Wide Open” about international adoption, and one called “Conspicuous Families” about adopting a child of a different ethnicity. You read information online, and then do homework that you send in to the adoption agency & social worker, mostly lots of questions helping you to think through various issues you will or might deal with in adoption. I think they were very helpful, especially since we have no experience with adoption at all. They also gave us a book list, and I got a few of the books, which I’ve started to read – Successful Adoption: A Guide for Christian Families by Natalie Gillespie, Adopting the Older Child by Claudia Jewett, and Adopted for Life by Russell Moore.

-- In the course of going through the training, I read that it’s not usually recommended for families to adopt two children at the same time who are not siblings, unless they are from the same orphanage and are close there. It’s not a hard and fast rule, but it just made me think about Rogers and Fred, from Royal Orphanage, who aren’t brothers. So I emailed Jalia to ask her about them, if they are close to one another, and if she thought they would do well being adopted together. She didn’t really answer my question, but she replied:

Yes, Rogers has a young brother!!!

I asked Rogers to get his pic to me, but he has been in school he is boarding. But today they got their holiday, so I will be able to see him on Monday. I will send his brothers pic too.

This is all she said, and I haven’t heard back since, so I’m waiting to find out more – how old his brother is, if they have any other siblings or if it’s just the two of them, etc. The Tuckers were planning to go to Uganda to pick up their children at the end of November, and they were going to get more information and pictures for us, but that didn’t work out; now they are going in January. So, we’ll just have to be patient.

-- But meanwhile, my friend Eileen sent me information about two brothers in Ethiopia that she really wants to find a family for here:

These two brothers are my #1 recommendation for adoption. My cousin Georgie fell in love with them when we were in Ethiopia and he asked me to please ask you to adopt them. He has been keeping in touch with them and they asked him to please find them a family.

(they are the two on the left)

I think they are like 10 & 12 I forgot but I will ask Solomon. My cousin is praying so hard to get these boys adopted here so he can be a big brother to them. He is single and cannot adopt himself but he is asking me to get them here. The director of Ethiopia for Gladney told me if I get anyone interested in any of the Kolfe boys to let him know and he will help us get them adopted. They won't get any of their paperwork started unless someone is specifically interested in them. He said because no one is really interested in these boys, they don't even give them hope so they do nothing to get them adoptable in advance. They told me I can start advocating for them on my blog and see if anything happens. I pray these two would the first in line to be adopted and start a mass adoption from the Kolfe orphanage! This could be the start of something wonderful!! I know Uganda also needs help and I a sure the boys there are just as sweet. So, please just pray and ask the LORD for HIS direction. I am praying for you too!! It would be great to start a Kolfe boys community here in NC!!

-- We did get a call from the social worker finally, and have our first home study appointment with her this coming Wednesday, so that will be interesting, I’m sure.

Going through all of this, I have to say that it still doesn’t seem really real, that we are planning to actually add two more children to our family. I have been more focused on just following what I believe God is saying to us, with a heart to open our family to orphans who don’t have one, trusting that He will work out the details and provide all we need as we move down this path. But there are so many details to work on in the process, that it’s easy to focus on those instead of the reality of what you’re actually planning to do. Darren and I have been talking through this more recently, really trying to let it all sink in a bit more, to think through it all and make sure we are both on the same page and in full agreement – which is obviously so important - before we move farther ahead. Pray for both of us that God will make his will very clear, and that we will have a peace and confidence in our hearts about it.

Adoption Letters

I turned in most of our documents for the home study last Friday, and one of the things they asked for is for our kids age 16 and older to write a letter about how they feel about our family adopting. These are their letters:

I am absolutely thrilled that my family is pursuing adoption. I have always loved having a large family and the community and friendship that comes from having a lot of siblings. Adding to our family would bring me so much joy. I believe adoption is a beautiful way to express the love of God. It is so important to me, that when I have my own family I plan to adopt as many children as I am able to. I think that those who have been blessed with much have a responsibility to give much and that my family has so much love and provision that we have a charge from God to share it. I believe that we would welcome new siblings with all of our hearts.

Thank you,
Lindsay Phillips

I have always been a huge fan of adoption, and really looked up to any family who chose to do it. I always dreamed of adopting kids myself one day, because I love children so much, and I have such a deep heart for kids who don't have a family. I love my brothers and my sister, they are the most valuable things to me in the world, and I have always wanted more siblings. My parents decided to stop having kids a while ago, and I always hoped we would adopt some children. If it were up to me, I would have dozens of siblings. One of my greatest joys is spending time with my brothers, getting to know them, loving on them, and seeing them become the men they were made to be, and I would be honored to have more siblings to be able to do that with.

Justin P

On Adoption By Trevor Phillips

When my mom first talked to me about adoption as a serious consideration for us, I thought it was crazy. We were already grown (mostly)! I thought our family was complete. But as she talked more about it, and as I researched it and came to some conclusions, I realized that with the bounty that God has given us, it is God’s will that we should give it back to him in some way, and what better way than to give a child’s life new hope? To give that child a chance at living a blessed life?

The more I thought about how I hadn’t wanted to do that before, the more I was disgusted at how I could be so selfish as to want so much more than I need all to myself. Now I see that adopting a child, or children, into our life would be a form of giving back to God, a way of showing our thanks to him for our blessed lives. And it would also be showing such love to children who may have not felt love shown to them before.

I am eager to meet and welcome any person that God wants to be in my life, and if this person is a new sibling, then all the more better.

Alex feels the same way too, but he wasn't required to write a letter; I guess they figure older teens tend to have more problems with new siblings than younger kids? I don't know. Anyway, I am so proud of our kids, that they have such big hearts and want to open up our family in this way! I love you guys! :)

Another Ugandan Boy?

I finally got an email from Jalia at Royal Orphanage in Uganda today, about another older boy we could adopt along with Kato Fred:

I am thinking of Rogers. He traveled with the choir in 2006 to America, he is about 15 or 16 now and in high school, he is a good boy and sings well.

Jalia

Her emails are always so tantalizing – you’re left wanting more. : ) I have so many questions, but she apparently has an ancient computer that is really slow, and a dial-up connection. Thankfully, the Tuckers will probably be going there at the beginning of November to pick up their children (yay!), and they can meet him, and get more information about him, and Kato as well. They are hoping to get a laptop donated for Jalia as well to take to her when they go, so she can be more connected.

This is a video about the choir who came in 2006, and what they were raising money for (thankfully, the new school and orphanage has now been built). I guess Rogers may be one of the boys in there:

And More Precious Boys

Well, I found out that from Eileen that the two older boys she had told me about from Kolfe, Binyam and Efrim, actually have a sister, so there are three of them that need a family. Right now, we still really feel like we are supposed to adopt two boys, so they are probably not the ones for us.

It is so hard though, once you have heard about specific children needing families, and seen their pictures – it feels like you are rejecting them if you don’t choose them, even though they don’t know about it.

Solomon, Eileen’s adopted son who is in Ethiopia (he was too old to be legally adopted, but they have adopted him into their family anyway), sent her this email and picture of two more brothers at Kolfe who need a family:

Bikes and Ayanaw
Bikes is 15 years old and his younger brother is 14. They have no any siblings and relatives. They came to Kolfe before 7 years ago. Ayanaw is grade 9 student and Bikes is grade 8 student. I asked them if they need a family that helps them and they said they are very happy if they get a good family that share they problem and they also said to you thank you for what are you doing now for them.

We are also still waiting to hear back from Jalia, about another possible boy we could adopt along with Kato Fred. Thank you so much for your prayers for us!

How We Spend Our Days

I went to the Pure Life women’s conference in New York this past weekend, and was really encouraged by Lynette Lewis’ word on Saturday night. She talked about being a hero -- that we are all called and chosen by God for great things, but we also choose to be chosen. It sounds kind of strange, but I know what she means -- we have to make the choice to step into what God has for us, to just walk forward. And we can also choose not to.

In Crazy Love, Francis Chan says:

Most of us use “I’m waiting for God to reveal His calling on my life” as a means of avoiding action. Did you hear God calling you to sit in front of the television yesterday? Or to go on your last vacation? Or exercise this morning? Probably not, but you still did it. The point isn’t that vacations or exercise are wrong, but that we are quick to rationalize our entertainment and priorities yet are slow to commit to serving God.

As Annie Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days, is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

Something to think about.