Letter :)

We got our first letter from Melaku today! It is so sweet - the envelope had puppy stickers all over it :) - and he included a picture of himself playing soccer:

Dear Dad and Mom, Brothers and Sister,

How are you doing. I'm doing well. I love all Phillips family and I missed you. I'm waiting you're welcome to here Layla House.

I would like ask about when we will come. I and Zerihun are doing well. We like to play soccer. I'm really boring to stay here a long in Layla House.

Ethiopia is so very hot in the summer. I can't play soccer always. Please write again your letter. I write you a lot of letter too.

I miss and love you.

Melaku

Bye!! Bye!!

Court date!!!

We finally got our court date - January 17th! We're so excited - we get to travel and meet the boys and spend time with them, and officially adopt them in Ethiopia! They notified us a week ago, on Dec. 16, but I've been so busy making arrangements I haven't had time to post.

Alex is going to go with us, and Lindsay will fly up from Tanzania to meet us as well. We will leave here Jan. 14th, and arrive late the night of the 15th. The next day is a Sunday, and we'll go over to Layla House and see the boys for the first time! I can't wait! We can spend all day with them that day; during the week they'll be in school, so we can spend afternoons and evenings with them at Layla (though our court date is on Monday, so they will probably go with us to that). We'll be in Addis Ababa for 5 days, so we'll do some sightseeing as well.

After Darren and I leave, Alex will fly back to Tanzania with Lindsay and spend 2 weeks with her there, helping her with the orphanage and school and whatever she's doing. They will also visit Alex Juma, the boy we sponsor with Compassion, who lives just a couple of hours outside of Arusha, where Lindsay lives, which will be an awesome experience for them too.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. We have been able to raise about half of the remainder of our adoption fees, and half of our trip fees, but we need the rest in the next 3 weeks, about $4000, so I really appreciate your continued prayers and agreement with us.

We certainly got an awesome Christmas present this year! :) And next year the boys will be with us. :) :) :)

What if that was your son?

God says, "That's MY son. And you're My body. I'm not there, except through you. Your hands, those are My hands. Your feet, those are My feet. I'm a father to the fatherless through My body. I rescue the weak and the vulnerable THROUGH YOU. And if you're not doing it, NO ONE IS."

Still waiting...

It's been over a month, and we are still waiting for our court date (impatiently, I might add!). We are hoping/believing for a January date. We are still working for and raising the rest of the funds we will need, and have had some more contributions come in. My aunt and uncle actually gave a donation for our adoption in the names of each of their three daughters and their families for Christmas; that was such a blessing. We also had an unexpected check come in the mail - our health insurance company (Blue Cross) sent us a refund check of almost two months' premiums! That went into the pot as well. :)

We did get a short update recently about the boys; a volunteer at Layla House spent some time with them, and sent us an email and pictures. This is from his email:

"I got to spend a *ton* of time with Melaku while I was at Layla. We met at lunch the first day and then I went to Math class with him and did some reading. After that, we spent a good amount of time together every day. He is a *fantastic* kid and very smart. In Math class, he had the problems written down and solved before the teacher had even finished explaining them. Being an engineer myself, I thought that was pretty cool. He is very excited to come home and join your family. We spent some time talking about North Carolina and he showed me the "book" you sent him. All in all, I can't say enough about him. He's just a great kid.

I met Zerihun on one of the last couple of days I was there. He, Melaku, and I played some soccer. Both of those kids are amazing soccer players. I weep for the American kids that they will play against :-) Zerihun is also a great kid. He spent some time teaching me how to play and found me every day after we met to chat.

Congratulations, you are getting some wonderful additions to your family."

It is so hard to wait to see them! But we know that God's timing is perfect.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Just finished reading this book by Donald Miller, and it really inspired/encouraged me to live a meaningful life, to "live a good story" with my life. 

Loved these quotes:

"Once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can’t go back to being normal; you can’t go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time."

"Here’s the truth about telling stories with your life. It’s going to sound like a great idea, and you are going to get excited about it, and then when it comes time to do the work, you’re not going to want to do it...People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen. But joy costs pain."

"I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world…But they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought. They can’t see the distant shore any more, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward… and they go looking for an easier story."

Things are moving fast!

I spoke with someone at our agency earlier this week, to try to get an idea of how long the process might take in Ethiopia, and she said that because our boys are older (Zerihun is 15, and will age out at 16), they are probably trying to move things as quickly as possible.

Then yesterday, we got an email from the lady in charge of this, and she said that our case has already been submitted to court, and we are just waiting for a court date to be assigned! She said it will probably be in December or January. This would be the first court date, and then we would travel again a month or so after that to bring them home.

This is really exciting, but also a bit daunting, because it gives us less time to come up with the money we need. We were just able to pay the first part of the Ethiopian fee ($4500 - thank you to those who gave generously!), and will need the final part ($5500) when our court date is assigned, as well as the money to travel. Please pray and agree with us for all that we need to come in quickly!

Bags received!

Today we received a picture of the two boys just after they received their gift bags - so awesome! It's kind of surreal to see them wearing the t-shirts I picked out, holding the photo albums I put together, knowing they're about to look through them and see their new family and home for the first time. They look really happy. :)

Our adoption agency emailed me the picture of them, and I had to email them back acknowledging that we received it. They said I should say, "I acknowledge receipt of the photo of Zerihun & Melaku Phillips." I copied the sentence, and then it kind of hit me - wow - Zerihun and Melaku Phillips. It's like when you're about to get married, and you write your new name over and over again - kind of the same feeling. It doesn't sink in at first, but after a while it just fits.

We have been getting various donations from friends and family - thank you again to all who have given!! - and should be able to send in the first portion of the payment this week. I spoke with the agency, and they said that they have already begun the process in Ethiopia, even though we haven't gotten all the funds in yet, so yay! We may be able to take our first trip for court before the end of the year!

Welcome bags :)

The first thing we get to do for our soon-to-be new sons is to put together welcome bags for them. It includes a welcome letter introducing our family; a small photo album (15 pictures max) with pictures of us, our home, our pets, etc, to help them become familiar with our lives here; a small toy, game or puzzle; and a t-shirt. When they get the welcome bag, they will put the t-shirt on, and the other children will know that they have a new family. :) :/ (both sweet, and sad)

(I had a hard time deciding what t-shirts to get, but finally settled on Carolina shirts, since they're coming to North Carolina.)

Putting all this together for me was so special, and really brought home the fact that these boys will be joining our family. I wrote the letters, saying, "Welcome to our family!" and writing some about each of us. As I wrote about Darren and me, I started by using our names, and then realized - we're not Darren and Rebecca to them, we are Mom and Dad. Wow. It was the same when I put our pictures in the photo album, and wrote on the back of the pictures who everyone is - Mom and Dad. Wow again. These are our new children, for life. It's exciting and sobering at the same time.

Adoption seemed kind of theoretical to me until we could actually put names and faces and personalities to the children we're adopting, and I kind of held my heart in check, I think. But now that I know who they are - my heart has really been opening up to them, and beginning to love them, as strange as that seems, given that I don't even know them. But it's true. I can't wait to be with them, hug them, talk to them, get to know them.

I am so impatient now especially for the money to come in that we need to start the process in Ethiopia, because every day I wait is one more day later that they will come here! After we get that portion of the funds ($4500), we'll have a month or two to come up with the second portion, the final adoption fees and the money for our first trip. I know God is in control, and his timing is perfect - it's just hard to be patient sometimes! :)

(If you'd like to give to our adoption fund, you can go here - http://projecthopeful.org/ - click on the purple "Donate" button, and give using Paypal; make sure to write "Phillips adoption" in the Purpose line. Thanks!)

Woohoo!!

A few days ago we officially chose the two boys we are going to adopt!! They are Zerihun, age 15, and Melaku, age 9. Zerihun is the brother I mentioned in my last post, whose sister was found to be over 18. The director spoke with him this past week, and asked him whom he would want to go to America with if he could choose, and he thought about it for a day or so, and came back to her and said, "I choose Melaku!" We didn't want to only go on his word, of course, but we heard back from some people who know him, as well as the social workers there at the orphanage, and they all felt that this would be a good match.

This is a little bit about each boy:

Zerihun - a mom who knows him well wrote me this about him - "Z is unbelievably smart... I was taken aback by his outlook on life, and his plan for the future. He really wants to be the 'hope' for Ethiopia, and do well in the States so that he can return and make changes in ET. He's an amazing kid, and whoever gets to be his parents will be very lucky. He is a peacekeeper, often seen breaking up arguments between the younger boys... He's quiet and the thinker, too... He likes to draw, beat the pants off me in UNO, and play soccer. His english is excellent, and writing is good, too... He broke my heart on the last day I was there, when he said to me... "Can I ask you something?... Why do Americans only want babies? They always come for babies, and not so many older kids..." I told him that some Americans do want older kids... but that a lot of families are scared to take a kid who already has a mind of his own... but that the 'perfect family for him was out there, and that they would find him soon'.

A girl who volunteered at the orphanage for the past two summers, wrote this to me - "Curious and intelligent, Z likes to do experiments. One time he gathered together an old water bottle, stray cotton balls, some sand, gravel, and dirty water, and figured out how to make a simple water purification system. He does very well in school (received an award while I was there) and likes to follow his curiosities and read about things that catch his interest. As you’ll read in the blog (note - this is the link to her post about him - http://addisunderground.blogspot.com/2010/08/guitar-lessons.html), he likes making music too. He did well teaching his peers what he had learned, directing them in an almost jocund manner. The guitar was the first time I think I saw him really smile."

Zerihun's older sister, Meseret, is currently in a boarding school in Addis Ababa, so we will support her there, and hopefully in the future we can bring her over as well.

Melaku - This is what the girl who volunteered there wrote about him - "Melaku is no pushover. He can hold his own. By this I do not infer that he is argumentative or defiant, simply that he is not overly sensitive and though the children have occasional disagreements, he handles them wisely. He is sure to express his view, hear another out, and when the matter is settled to drop it. He holds no grudges. He is helpful towards the younger children, and plays well with the older ones. He is the smallest but feistiest goalie in Layla and one of only a few younger children sturdy enough to play with the big boys.

Melaku nearly always rushed after me to help carry supplies for activities and classes whenever I taught. I have a photo of him and Yirgalem carrying baskets on their heads one afternoon – it was a signature moment. Always my little helper. He likes math and is good at it. We spent several hours over the summer doing flash cards and problem sets during activities time. Guess who had the idea. Certainly not me. I’m a music major. Melaku liked to pull out math supplies whenever I took down games like legos and puzzles for activities.

In class he paid as much attention as one can expect of a 7/8 year old (note - our agency says he's 9). He isn’t afraid to raise his hand or try new things; he enjoys writing on the board, giving examples, and helps other kids with their work. All in all, fairly mature for his age – though you could say that for most of the children considering how much they have been through.

Meluku and I shared many things in common: a love for music and music-making, our favorite color is red, we both enjoy sports, we like to draw,etc. He has a comforting steadiness and a peaceful spirit uncommon for such a small boy. I recall one very hectic afternoon when I had to combine two classes because of a shortage of teachers. At the time I as the only volunteer in the compound and so group two and group 1b went into the library. In the midst of finding, replacing, and reading books, Melaku asked if he could read to me. In his hands he held the first book I ever read to my dad: Go, Dog, Go. I sat with fascination as this small boy read nearly every single word of that book without halting."

These are the new Phillips boys! We are all very excited. They will begin the process there in Ethiopia, and in a couple of months or so Darren and I will travel there for a court date, and to meet the boys. :) :) Then we'll come back for a bit, and maybe a month or so later we'll be able to travel back and bring them home. :) :) :)

Please pray for us, for all the funds that we still need to come in - for the remaining fees, and for all of our travel costs.

the roller coaster

It's been a couple of weeks of ups and downs. We have all of our documents finished, our dossier is in Ethiopia, ready and waiting - and it has been so hard to know who we're supposed to adopt! We originally felt we were supposed to adopt two older boys - and we still pretty much feel that way, though we're open to a girl as well - but in the orphanages of the agency we have chosen to work with in Ethiopia, there is only one set of brothers that fit that criteria. We are praying about them, and getting more information, but we didn't feel immediately drawn to them, which made me feel bad. (down)

Then last week, a friend who has adopted from Ethiopia, and was just there last month, told me about an brother and sister that she thinks are really awesome. She described them to me, and connected me with another mom who knows them well, who also told me a lot about them. She said they were around 13 and 15, or 14 and 16 (many of the kids don't really know exactly how old they are).

Part of what drew me was the fact that they are older, and close to getting to the point where they can't be adopted. When God was first speaking to me about adoption, that was what was on my heart - giving a home to older children who don't have much chance of being adopted. I couldn't get this brother and sister off my mind and heart, and Darren and the boys also felt really drawn to them. (up)

So I emailed our agency and told them we were interested in them and asked for their files; only to find out the very next day that the girl had just been determined to be over 18 years old (!), and thus is too old to be adopted. (back down)

I talked some more with our agency, and they are waiting to find out if the brother is going to be released to be adopted on his own (the sister is going to be placed into a boarding school for now, along with 5 other girls who were recently determined to be over 18). Because they have so many older single boys available for adoption, and because of some changes in government policy which mean a lot of these older kids will have to be moving out of the orphanage and going to local schools, they are now more willing to consider people adopting two or more unrelated older boys. (partway back up)

The director of our agency is going to Ethiopia this week, and she is going to talk to the local social workers and see if they feel some of these older unrelated boys (including the brother) would do well together in families, and let us know. She is also going to get more information about the two brothers for us. Hopefully we'll hear from her later this week.

I think I'm ready to get off the roller coaster now, and onto the kiddie rides.

Where we are...

Since my last post:

- Darren and I finished the Brian Post training - it was really good, and I think it will definitely be helpful in the future. I mean, we have had the normal challenges with our children, but we have never dealt with kids who have had serious trauma and difficulty in their lives; so it was good to get some insight about children like that, and some good tools to deal with them.

- Darren, Justin and I went to the local U.S. Customs & Immigration office to be fingerprinted (everyone over the age of 18 living in your house has to do this for an adoption). It was a pretty quick process, but goodness, they are serious about their rules and security there! Stand exactly here, sit exactly there, and heaven forbid if you try to take out a cell phone while waiting in the security line - they almost tackled some poor guy who did that. I can understand their concern, but it still seemed a bit over the top. I guess I showed my ignorance of the 21st century when I asked the fingerprint guy, "You mean you don't do fingerprints with ink any more?" (Apparently they haven't for quite a while.) They do it right on a computer screen, no inky fingertips necessary, which is nice.

- We got a card in the mail today from AAI saying that our dossier has been sent to Ethiopia! So as soon as we identify the children we want to adopt, the process can begin over there.

- We have been looking at files of several sibling groups, and right now are waiting to get some more information about them. The agency here in the U.S. has basic info, but if you have more detailed questions, they send them to the social worker at the orphanage, and wait to hear back. Please continue to pray for us for wisdom and clear discernment about who to adopt.

- We said goodbye to Lindsay today - she was here for a quick visit, and is heading back to New York, and then will leave for Tanzania in a week!... which is both :) and :(. Hopefully, we will be heading over to Ethiopia while she's there, so we can "drop by" for a visit, or she can meet us in Ethiopia. There's only one country, Kenya, between the two - that's not so far, right? :)

Choosing

I got my previous to-do list done - applied for two adoption loans (waiting to hear right now) - but then we found out that we actually had to get some additional training finished before our dossier could be sent to Ethiopia. AAI had sent us a training seminar on dvd by Brian Post called "Healing for the Attachment Challenged Child," and we are almost finished with it. It has been really helpful, actually - a lot of great information and techniques - and I'm sure we'll come back to it in the future.

Mainly right now we are in the "choosing" phase. So far we have received two dvds of waiting children in Ethiopia, and have been looking through them, praying about various sibling groups, getting more information about them, etc. To me it is actually the most difficult part.

Previously I was focused on getting documents together, training, things like that, which took time but were fairly straightforward. Now, we have to decide which children will become part of our family, forever. It can be overwhelming, looking at so many children who all need homes and families, trying to discern which ones God is leading us to.

Please pray for us, for wisdom, discernment, and clear direction from God.

Done!...and more to do...

I sent our I-600A form in to Immigration last week, and express-mailed our dossier to AAI yesterday - yay!

We are waiting to receive the DVD of waiting children right now. My friend Deanna, who adopted 3 children from Ethiopia through AAI, put me in contact with another mom who has adopted from there. She has been there more recently and met many of the children, so that will be really helpful as we are trying to decide whom we are to adopt.

The next thing on my to-do list is to apply for some adoption loans. There are Christian organizations that offer no-interest loans to families for adoption; this would be a huge blessing for us. So far, the money we have had to pay has been pretty spread out, and not in huge amounts (the largest being $2400); but when we choose the children we are going to adopt, we will need to pay $4000. Then, when the case is submitted to court, we will need $5000 more. The final big chunks needed will be for traveling to Ethiopia, which we have to do twice, once for court and once to bring the children home. I'm not really sure how much we will need for those trips, but I'm estimating $3000 for the first trip and $6000 for the second.

The great thing is that there is a refundable adoption tax credit now, $13,170 per child in 2010, so if we can get loans for these costs, we can repay them easily with the tax credits. Anyway, please pray that we will be approved for some loans, enough to cover our major costs.

Working on the dossier...

So, our home study was finished a few weeks ago, but then we were waiting for the rest of the money we needed for the agency fee ($2400) so they could send us info on how to put together our dossier. We finally got the rest of it a couple of weeks ago and paid, and they sent us the instructions. 

Unfortunately, I was sick when they came (sinus infection that lasted forever!), so I just started working on the dossier this past week. But the good thing is that even though it's a long list of documents, most aren't taking that long to get together. I got the majority of it done this week, and right now I'm just waiting on a few things to come back to us (like a couple of reference letters, a letter from our accountant, and letters from our doctors). We also have to have everything notarized, which we'll do tomorrow. Once I have everything, I will send it to our agency, hopefully this week; and they will send it on to Ethiopia. 

The other thing we have to do is send in our I-600A form, "Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition," to the U.S. Immigration Department. It's basically to let them know that you are going to be adopting; once you have identified the children, you file another form called "Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative." After the I-600A is filed, we will be contacted by immigration and will need to go get fingerprinted (any adults living in the home have to do this, so it will be me, Darren and Justin).

With this I-600A form, we have to send in a copy of our home study, which we are waiting for right now. I got an email from the adoption agency saying that whereas in the past, only a synopsis of the home study was translated into Amharic (the language of Ethiopia), now every word has to be translated; so she pointed out a few things that needed to be re-worded in it. For instance, in one place our social worker said, "They have a blast when they're together," and she said a translator might not know what that means. :)  Our social worker is working on the changes now, and hopefully will get a copy of the home study to us this week.

So, that's where we are in the process. I hope that we can finish up the dossier this week and get it all in, and then we can actually start looking at the available children and see who God leads us to!

Home study - check!

I just got a call from the adoption agency saying that they received our home study, and that it was approved! Finally we can start moving forward again! I'm still not exactly sure why that all took so long - but I do know that God's timing is perfect.

Next, we will put our dossier together (still not sure exactly what that entails), file an immigration form and get fingerprinted, and get an updated list of available children to see who we'd like to adopt! One thing the lady from the agency did strongly suggest is that we adopt children that are younger than 14 (in other words, younger than our youngest child). She said that it just usually works out best that way in families. Also, she said that a child who is said to be 16 may actually be 18 or 20 - they just don't usually have birth certificates and accurate records.

I asked what the timetable typically is for people adopting older children, and she said in the past it has been about 6 months from when your dossier is submitted to when you travel to Ethiopia. Now, we actually have to travel twice, because the process in Ethiopia recently changed; the first time is for a court date, and the second time would be about 2 months later and is to bring the children home. She did say that the courts pretty much close down in August and September, but we wouldn't be going that soon anyway.

It's so nice to actually be moving forward with the adoption process. Sometimes when nothing much is happening it doesn't seem very real after a while, that we're actually doing this. :)

March Updates

- Home Study - it is finally progressing - we got a new social worker, because our previous one had some pregnancy complications, so we kind of had to start over again. We have met with the new social worker twice so far, and we really like her, which makes it a lot easier when you and your family are being evaluated by someone you don't know. :)

The first meeting she talked to Darren and me kind of in general about us and why we want to adopt, and she interviewed Trevor and Alex, asking them to tell her about themselves, and what they thing about us adopting. The second meeting (yesterday) she talked to us more specifically about our marriage and child-rearing philosophies, and interviewed Lindsay and Justin, who were home for spring break and Campus Harvest. It was really cool to hear the kids all talk about themselves and about how they feel about us adding to our family through adoption; she said she was very impressed by all of our kids. :) We have one more meeting in two weeks, and then we'll be done.

- Application Process - I sent in our second set of documents to AAI. Once the home study is done, as long as everything is okay, we will send that in, and then I think next we will put together our dossier - more copies of documents like birth certificates, medical reports, etc, which I think we already have most of. I'm not entirely clear on the whole process, but we're just taking it one step at a time.

- Finances - When we send in the home study, we need to pay AAI their fee, which is $2400. God has provided $2000 of that already so far!
1) Someone backed into my car in a parking lot, and their insurance paid to have it fixed. The insurance adjuster said the whole passenger door needed to be replaced, and wrote me a check for that - but the body shop said it wasn't necessary, that they only needed to replace the outer panel. We had $760 left over from that!
2) We are keeping a friend's dog for the summer, and they are so generously giving us $1000 for that (they wanted to help us with the adoption).
3) I sold some of the boys' old toys and sports equipment on Craigslist, and have made a little over $200 so far from that.

So we just need $400 more, and we have two more weeks or so for that. I know this is kind of specific, but I want to show how God is so faithful to provide what we need when we need it, and how he can use anything, even something that seems bad like being hit by another car. :) Of course, there are a lot more bigger expenses coming up, but I know that where he leads us, he will provide.

Moving forward...

We are finally moving forward with our adoption! Our home study had been on hold until Darren and I finished our training (10 hours each), which we did about a month ago, and until we made a definite decision about which country we want to adopt from.

As you know, we had been trying to decide between Uganda and Ethiopia, and leaning towards Uganda. But in the last few months there have been some issues in the courts there, pretty much putting all international adoptions on hold. Also, I had received an email from Jalia at Royal Orphanage saying that the boys she had recommended to me, Rogers and his brother, are going to be adopted by their sponsor. There are other boys available, of course, and I'm confident that the issues in the courts will be worked out; but because of these things, we had been thinking more about Ethiopia.

As I was thinking about Ethiopia, I first emailed my friend Eileen who had sent me information about the two brothers at Kolfe Boys Orphanage that she really wanted to find a family for. But she said that actually another family is in the process of adopting those brothers - which is a great thing for them! - but a closed door for us.

Then another friend, Deanna, who has adopted three children from Ethiopia, sent me a newsletter from an agency called Adoption Advocates International (AAI) about three siblings, two boys and a girl, who are available for adoption at Layla House, their orphanage in Ethiopia. When Darren and I read over their information, we were really drawn to them. I contacted the agency, and they told me that a couple other families are also interested in these children and are farther along in the process than we are. But, we still felt that we should pursue adopting from Ethiopia, and were impressed by this agency. We had to make sure our home study agency was willing to sign an agreement with AAI, which I found out on Friday that they did; so now we can move forward. I am mailing our application to AAI on Monday, and hopefully we can finish up our home study in the next couple of weeks.

Another interesting thing is that as I looked at the AAI website, I realized I had heard about Layla House before - I read about it in the book There is No Me Without You a year or so ago. This is a book which had a great impact on me in terms of beginning to think about adoption. And it turns out that our book club is reading this book right now as well!

His Hands and Feet

Christ has no body on earth but yours,
no hands but yours,
no feet but yours.
Yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion for the world is to look out;
yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good;
and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now.
- St. Teresa of Avila

Here is the bottom line: if we are aware of the suffering of our distant neighbors - and we are - if we have access to these neighbors, either personally or through aid organizations and charities - and we do - and if we have the ability to make a difference through programs and technologies that work - which is also the case - then we should no more turn our backs on these neighbors of ours than the priest and the Levite should have walked by the bleeding man.
- Richard Stearns, The Hole in Our Gospel