We have wanted to take the boys skiing/snowboarding this winter, but just never had a chance to. There is actually a homeschool group that gets great discounts at some of the NC slopes (like $20 per person for a whole day, including lift tickets, rentals and a lesson!), but whenever we had a free day, it was just too warm. Finally, last week, on the last day of the season for the homeschool discount, Darren was able to take Z, Melaku, Alex and Justin. Z and Melaku took lessons, and then had a great day on the slopes. Melaku had a harder time, because he wanted to snowboard, even though we told him it would be easier to start with skiing; but he still enjoyed it. Hopefully next year we can all go for a little bit longer.
Darren and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary on January 31st (yay!) with almost a week in Cozumel, Mexico It's near Cancun, where we spent the second half of our honeymoon 25 years ago, so that was cool. It was so nice to be just the two of us together, relaxing and having fun.
A couple of my favorite things -- this guy serenading us with "Besame Mucho" --
And getting to play and interact with two sweet dolphins -- kissing, dancing, hugging, getting pulled along by hanging on to their dorsal fins, and getting pushed up in the air with one under each foot -- so awesome!
The boys are really enjoying playing soccer here; they are both on classic teams now. Melaku played in his first soccer tournament this past weekend, in Fayetteville. The team played well, but didn't make it to the finals -- they lost the first game 3-1, then tied 2-2 and 0-0. Melaku scored both goals in the second game. :)
Z's team was supposed to play at the tournament too, but their fields got rained out. They did get to play in a scrimmage with another rained-out team on Saturday here, and they won that game.
So, we enter the travel soccer world, with a bit of trepidation...
The boys got to meet Darren's mom (Jammie to her grandkids) for the first time last week, and it was a special time. They gave her a little concert too -- Trevor and Alex played some, Z played and sang "You Are My Sunshine," and Melaku sang his favorite song, "Baby Baby" by Justin Bieber, while Alex played and Trevor rapped. :)
Because he's over 14 (the "age of understanding" according to U.S. Immigration, I guess), Z was required to go to the Immigration office in Charlotte today to swear an oath of allegiance to the United States before he could receive his Certificate of Citizenship. He officially became a citizen when our plane touched down back in July; he just didn't receive the certificate.
This is the oath he had to swear:
I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God.
I thought it was interesting that they use such difficult words, when this is an oath that usually non-native English speakers have to say to become a citizen. I asked the officer about it; she said yes, it's hard for most people. She said they had a Chinese guy there today that didn't speak any English, and they had to have him repeat it one word at a time (with no understanding, obviously).
I took some pictures of Melaku for a headshot, because he wants to try acting, like his big brothers. He is very motivated to earn money right now -- Justin took him for a ride on his motorcycle, and Melaku immediately decided he wants/needs a dirt bike. I told him they are pretty expensive, and he would have to be at least 13 before he could get one. So, he is counting down the months until he is 13 (conveniently not hearing the "at least" part of my statement), and trying to find as much work as he can. When he heard how much Justin, Trevor and Alex sometimes were able to make acting, he was sold on the career.
He is also trolling for work all over our neighborhood. He cleaned all my baseboards and windows, then went to our neighbor's house and cleaned her windows, and he pet-sat a guinea pig over Christmas for some other neighbors. He pretty much asks me on a daily basis if I have any jobs for him, if he can go knock on some other neighbors' doors and ask them for work, and if anyone has responded to the email I sent out about pet-sitting. He is a hard worker, and extremely persistent, I will give him that. :)
We got the Wii game "Just Dance 3" today, and Justin, Z, Melaku, and Justin's friend, Justin, tried it out. It was extremely entertaining for me, watching these big guys shaking their booties. :)
It warms my heart every time I see 8 stockings hanging on our mantle -- and it give me a little jolt as well -- "Wow, we have 8 people in our family now!" It doesn't always hit me since all the kids aren't living at home, but I love it when we're all together, like we are now.
And lest you think my family is all sweetness and light -- this is the gingerbread house the kids put together last night. Lindsay is smiling, but I think it's kind of forced, because despite her attempts to make it "pretty," the house ended up with an "Occupy" theme, a dead snowman lying by the front door with icing blood and gummy brains spread around, and other things I won't mention. The fact that it actually looks like a normal house is only because they couldn't get it to stick together when they tried to build it lying on its side. She is simply outnumbered 5 to 1 by testosterone, unfortunately. And notice Z with icing "blood" all over his face -- just joining right in to our Phillips family boy dynamic. Nice.
I didn't realize it's been 3 1/2 months since I posted anything here! I had planned to blog regularly about adjusting to life with our two new sons after we arrived home, but I guess I've been too busy adjusting to write about it. :)
It has been almost five months now since Z and Melaku arrived, and it's been good! Not all easy by any means -- figuring out how best to parent each of them (and they are completely different!), teaching them about how things work in our family, helping them through so many transitions and new experiences -- but so special gradually getting to know one another better and love one another more and more, watching them become woven into the fabric of our family.
I started this blog more than two years ago (!), when God first spoke to us about adopting, because I wanted to make a record of the process, for us and for others that might want to follow in our footsteps. I feel like with the boys here now, a lot of the "process" is more personal, and not something I need to share in a public place.
But I would like to continue to blog, and to share our life as an adoptive family with you, so I think I'm going to try out a format which I've thought about using before, which is to post a picture every day or so with a brief description or thought (sort of like Project 365, which I did several years ago and really enjoyed).
So, here is the first installment:
One of our family Christmas traditions is to read aloud "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" (complete with silly voices and accents) over the few nights before Christmas; everyone takes turns reading. It has been fun and so special this year to introduce Z and Melaku to the book, and have them take a turn reading too. Here Melaku is gamely taking his turn (wearing the reader's hat), with occasional pronunciation help from Alex or Lindsay. :)
Wow, it's hard to believe that Z and Melaku have been here over a month now! It has been such a great time of getting to know each other and bonding.
They have had lots of new experiences, like learning to ride bikes, family game night, and learning the manly art of grilling...
...to eating lots of new foods like donuts (!) and Dad's waffles...
...to starting homeschool...
...to playing on soccer teams...
...to going on their first road-trip/family vacation...
...to meeting lots of new relatives.
I have been so impressed with how both boys have coped with all these new experiences, with good attitudes, willingness to try pretty much anything, and in general just jumping right into our family life.
There have been a lot of transitions already their first month here - Justin and Trevor moving to UNC (though thankfully they're not too far away), and Lindsay moving back to New York - so they definitely miss having their older siblings around, and we miss them too. :( Lindsay set Melaku up on Skype before she left, and he loves to talk to her. He's so funny - he yells so loudly to her, even though we told him he can talk in a regular voice. :)
The standard adoption analogy is that when you add children to your family, it's like adding on to a mobile that has been perfectly balanced before -- you'll have swings back and forth as it readjusts to a new balance (actually, that's the case even when you give birth to new kids). I can definitely see how that's true, as we adjust to having two new family members, and they adjust to having a new family as well.
I'm very thankful for our other four kids, for being so welcoming and loving to Z and Melaku, because their kindness and graciousness has helped the transition tremendously; and especially for Alex, since he is the one still at home now. I have been so impressed with his maturity in handling this, especially since he also had to deal with his best friend moving away right after the boys came here.
I know there will continue to be swings as our family mobile re-balances itself, but I am so thankful for the grace and wisdom that God continually gives us.
We are finally home with the boys! (Well, we've actually been home a week now, but I just haven't had a chance to post an update.) It was a good trip, very busy, but we got a lot done.
Some of the things we did:
Picked up the boys the first day and brought them to our guest house, where they stayed with Trevor and me the whole week.
Took a trip to Melaku's home village in the Soddo area to see his family and siblings - drove 2 hours, then hiked another hour (though they got a horse for me to ride back!). It was a very special time.
Visited with Zerihun's family, who all live in Addis - also very special.
Had our Embassy appointment - everything went well, though after we left the building, they ran after us, calling us back in, and myheart dropped! But they had just forgotten to fingerprint Z, which is the policy if a child is over 14. Did not need that stress!
Went to the Ethnological Museum, on the campus of Addis Ababa University, which was very interesting.
Went horseback riding in Solulta, on Entoto Mountain. It was Messie's and Melaku's first time, but they did great. Once our horses all shied when we were passing through a cow herd and a cow jumped up from behind a bush, but everyone hung on. Beautiful scenery, and a fun time, though we got soaked by a rain storm on the way back down.
Had lots of meetings concerning Meseret, arranging her situation. She was able to move out of the orphanage and stay with us at the guest house for a few days, which was nice; then she moved in with her aunt. Since we've been back, she's already gotten her ID card and applied for her passport, and once she gets it will hopefully be able to apply for her student visa soon.
(Z and Messie with their older brother)
Went to the final soccer match and going away party for the boys at Layla, which was bittersweet; lots of goodbyes.
We had a great welcoming party at the airport, which was nice after our LONG (44 hours) trip back.
Trevor and I leave today for Ethiopia to bring Zerihun and Melaku home! So excited!!!
We have also had some encouraging developments in Meseret's situation this last week -- I have found a school that is willing to admit her here in town! So, if she can get a student visa, she can come here and study until she graduates from high school, and then go on to college.
In order to get a visa, she needs to get a passport, and to get a passport, she needs an ID card. I'm not really clear on how she gets this, but all I know is that the social worker has been talking to her older brother and older sister, who live in Addis, about helping her to get it (maybe she would have to live with them for a bit? -- not sure), and neither is willing to help her.
I don't know why this is, but while I'm there, I'm going to be trying to figure out how to help her get this ID card. I'll be meeting with the siblings as part of Zerihun's going-away family visit, so I can talk to them at that time, hopefully help them overcome whatever obstacles would keep them from helping.
Please pray for me for favor and open doors! Somehow while I'm there, I would really like to get all these arrangements taken care of, and make sure the process is well on its way for Meseret.
We heard back from the Embassy after the holiday, and they gave us the date of July 28th for our visa appointment. After we got that confirmed, I reserved our flights; we're leaving July 22nd (arriving in Addis the evening of July 23rd) and will arrive back in NC the night of July 31st.
I'm so happy that Trevor decided to go with me; that will be a big help, and great for him to get to know the boys and see what their home country is like. We are going several days earlier than our Embassy appointment to allow time to visit with the boys' relatives and do some sightseeing and shopping.
I am hoping we can spend a good bit of time with Meseret as well. I'm not sure if she's still in school right now, or out on break, but I hope she can come stay with us some. I'm still working on trying to find a way to bring her here; hoping that a local Christian school will be willing to admit her.
The director of the orphanage told me that the boys are so excited, counting down the days till we arrive. :) :) :) Me too!!
We just got the email today that our case has been cleared by the Embassy, and we can travel to bring the boys home!!! Woohooo!! (and FINALLY!)
The earliest dates available for visa appointments at the Embassy are the week of July 25th, so hopefully we'll be able to travel that week, but we won't have it confirmed till after the holiday weekend. It will probably just be me traveling this time, since flights are so much more expensive now than they were in January; but Trevor may possibly go with me too, using his graduation money to travel to Africa for the first time (everyone else in our family has been except him :)).
We have almost got their room finished -- don't ask me why it's taken us so long :P -- but we recently had some of the kids' friends come and help them paint the room, and when James was visiting last weekend he and Lindsay worked on refinishing a dresser for the boys.
(Below are pictures, with Darren's edits added; he sent these pictures in letters to the boys, showing them what we've been doing to get their room ready.)
Still no word that we can travel to pick up the boys (!), but we have at least gotten a couple of updates. Our case was submitted to the Embassy about a week or so ago, and they are reviewing all the documents. In the last week, we have gotten a couple of emails sent from the Embassy to our agency requesting more information to be added to a couple of the documents. They aren't complicated things, thankfully, and hopefully won't take too long to get. Once they get these updated documents, we will get an email from them saying that our case is cleared, and giving us some possible dates to travel.
I know that the boys will be here soon (maybe in July?), but I really do feel like that mom at the end of her pregnancy who is huge and about to bust. Everyone is asking when the baby will be here, and you just don't know. You have pretty much resigned yourself to the fact that he will never come out, and you will probably be pregnant forever. And then it seems like all of the sudden he's here and you can't imagine him ever not being there, being such a huge part of your life.
The boys with letters from us
Darren is going with Alex and Trevor on a father-son camping trip this weekend; I was SO hoping that the boys would be here by now and would be able to go too. And today is Zerihun's birthday, and it's hard not to be with him!
We just received the boys' birth certificates! Their names are Zerihun Darren Phillips and Melaku Darren Phillips. In Ethiopia, people take their father's first name as their last name, so I think that's why they give adopted kids their adoptive father's name as their middle name. It is so cool to see the official documents with our names listed as their mother and father.
They put Zerihun's birthday in June 1996, so he is 14, turning 15 next month. That makes him and Alex almost twins, because Alex just turned 15 in May. :) They put Melaku's birthday as February 2001, so he is 10.
The pictures are funny - Z looks mad and Melaku looks like someone scared him right as they were taking it - but I'm just so happy that things are moving along! I think they will be able to submit everything to the Embassy next week, so please continue to pray that there won't be any hold-ups in that process, and that we can bring them home soon!
We also got three letters with some pictures from Melaku this week -- one to Darren and me, one to Lindsay and Alex, and one to Justin and Trevor (not sure why he divides them up that way...:)) -- and I also got a very sweet letter from Zerihun. Here are some excerpts:
Dear Mom,
I am very excited to see you again for the last time and then we will be together forever, but I am praying and waiting for you...If I don't have homework I will write more letters, and I know that you are busy but you are still writing letters for me and for Messi and Melaku. Mothers are always mothers and kind for their son and for everyone and my mom is just like that. And I always miss her and love her. I think I will see you soon. God be with you -
Our adoption of Zerihun and Melaku was officially approved by the court in Ethiopia back in March, and at that point we were told it would take about 6 weeks for the U. S. Embassy process, until we could go pick up the boys. But 6, 7 and 8 weeks came and went, and we had no word at all about what was happening - frustrating to say the least! Apparently, even though we had passed court, they the would not release the official adoption decree right away; I think they wanted more information or documents. And until this adoption decree is released, the agency can't get birth certificates and passports for the boys, and turn the file in to the U.S. Embassy for them to process it.
But this week, we finally got the great news that our case is finally "finished and approved" by the Ethiopian court and the adoption decree was received:
We got the court decision today for Melaku and Zerihun Philips. We should have the translated court decision sometime next week as well as the birth certificates. Possibly we will be able to submit the file to the embassy by June 1st. We will keep you updated.
We still can't plan the trip to bring them home, because the Embassy has to review the file once they receive it, but we are closer to that point. This is what they told us the process is once the file is submitted to the Embassy:
It typically take the embassy 1-2 weeks to review the file. At that point, the embassy may ‘clear’ the case, or they may ask for clarifying information. Of course, AAI must answer any questions the embassy may have concerning any given case. Once the embassy ‘clears’ the case, they will email your family directly to inform you the case has cleared and will request that your family select three possible dates that would be acceptable for your family to complete the visa interview process. Then the embassy will respond by confirming one of the three dates. At that point, you make travel arrangements.
So, we are encouraged, and trying to still be patient. Please pray that the file will be submitted quickly, and that the Embassy will review it quickly and have no issues. We will also need to raise more funds for this trip, as flight prices have gone up quite a bit, so pray for all the funds we need to come in.
Hopefully these two awesome boys will be here soon!
(Pictures taken by my awesome friend Mandie, who has been a big support to me through this whole process; she took the pictures when she delivered all the Christmas presents to all the kids at Layla House. :))
What’s a mom?
I suppose a mom is just where we all come from – a simple origin of sorts.
Our genesis. Beginning. Source.
But what’s a mom?
I guess a mom is simply a tutor – a trainer of sorts.
To start us off in life. Point us in the right direction. Guide us. Teach us right and wrong.
A mom? Who’s mom?
Oh, she’s the maid. She cleans everything. Dirty dishes? She’ll take care of them!
Leave your clothes on the floor? Don’t worry – that’s HER job! They’ll be washed soon.
So what’s a mom?
A mom is just a disciplinarian – the slap on our hand when we reach for the cookie jar.
A policewoman.The rule enforcer. “The Man”.
Hey, have you heard of a mom?
She’s like a sidekick, - the comic relief. You live your life, and every once in a while, when you interact with her, she says something hilarious.
And makes everything a little bit easier because of it.
And what IS a mom?
A cook. All she does is cook. Her job is to feed us.
Spaghetti, pork, vegetables, casserole – you name it. She’s a pretty good cook.
I like her food a lot.
What is a mom?
Two words. Trans. Portation. She gets you where you need to be.
She’s a chauffeur. A driver. When you need a ride, she’s your woman!
Wait, a mom? What’s that?
Oh, it’s this awesome money machine! Dude, like you just push a few buttons and say a few words, and you get money! It’s so crazy. And it never runs out.
Oh, and you can set it up on this recurrence plan, where it like automatically gives you money on a certain day every month. Plus it pays for meals. You should totally get one.
Could you tell me what a mom is?
Sure – she’s a confidant! Life’s got you down? Go to your mom!
Her job is to listen to anything you say, and give advice on anything and everything.
I bet a lot of people wish they had a mom – the awesome secretary/fixer I have!
She does all my paperwork for me, calls the people I need to, straightens out messes, does tech support, fills out applications, and makes appointments.
You name an administrative task, and she does it for me! (P.S. She got me into college.)
I bet a lot of people wish they had my mom. She does everything: She created me, she raised me, she disciplined me, she cooks, she cleans, she judges, she keeps order, she jokes, she drives, she pays, she works, she works, she works! And she works.And how.
But she loves.
She loves like I don’t understand. It’s like if I told you that I would pay you 70% of everything I ever earn, and as MY payment, I made you promise to take it. It doesn’t make sense. I guess her house will just be really big in heaven.
Yeah, I think I’ll probably want to live with my mom there. She’ll have like, a mansion. And I’ll ride my moped over from my hut, up her driveway past all her limousines and hummers and ferraris, up to her personal parking deck. And then I’ll take the diamond elevator up to the front door, where she’ll have one of those awesome video doorbells that projects a 3D hologram of who you are the owner inside, and will probably play you your favorite song as you wait patiently outside for her to fly down from her bedroom on the 87th floor. She’ll open the door and see me with my hopeful grin and mooching face on, and she’ll be like “Trevor, do you even have a house?? This is the like 120th time this week (‘cause weeks in heaven are 70 times 7 days long) that you’ve ‘needed a place to crash for the night’!” And I’ll just mumble something incoherent about “unruly cherubim gangs in my part of town” while she kindly lets me in again, and as she rolls her eyes and flies back upstairs, I’ll dive onto her pegasus-feather couch and be engulfed into its succulent comfyness.
Suffice to say, she’s done a lot. And she deserves a lot.
We got another letter from Melaku yesterday. :) He's pretty consistent about writing, which is nice; I think they probably have the kids with parents write to them in their class at school.
They must have a hard time reading my writing, though, because we have gotten letters with all kinds of interesting addresses...but somehow they have always made it to us (of course I wouldn't know if they didn't make it, right?). This letter was just addressed to me on our street name, no house number; and there are a lot of houses on our street. Props to our mailman. :)
Dear family,
How are you? I am fine. Thank you for the letter. When I read the letter I am so happy. When you will come soon I want to play soccer with my Dad. I love you my family. God with you. God bless you.
